If I have to give only one point that makes or break the marriage; It is TRUST.
All of other points converge into it. Let me explain this.

Situation 1: Disclosure of PAST
It’s better to disclose every bit about you from your past so that if something from the past comes up tomorrow in your relationship then both of you should be aware of that. What’s the use of hiding something? If your only fear is, what if your partner leaves you after knowing about your past. Well, if this much is the insecurity in your mind then how about this thought; your partner will still leave you if tomorrow he/she comes to know about it. Let’s say your partner comes to know about certain things about you after marriage which you were hiding from him/her before marriage, then do you think that your partner will forgive you? Your partner will doubly punish for not disclosing the critical facts about you. The results could vary from temporary negativity in a relationship to a permanent strain in relationship. Now, what if your partner finds something from the past which creates a BIG problem in your present, then things may end up on a bitter divorce. The key here is being truthful with each other, which in turn creates more trust.

Situation 2: Everyday CHAOS
Every relationship goes through ups and downs and people dynamically adjust with each other depending on the compatibility of their personalities. If you truthfully acknowledge the similarities and differences in your opinions and create a code of behavior or method for handling daily arguments, then you could create a feeling of mutual understanding between you and your spouse. The key thing here is to be vulnerable enough in front of each other. It takes lot of courage to accept your weaknesses and becoming vulnerable. And, when you think about being vulnerable then you could think about having enough TRUST in each other’s intentions that no matter what you say/do in front of each other your partner would understand you. Even you should have enough trust in your partner to have disagreement about something but still remain stable and rational with each other.

Situation 3: Achieving BIG THINGS together
Building a home, raising kids, buying a car are some of the big things which couple expect to achieve over their lifetime. Here the trust is required terms of realistic planning, financial planning, being confident about each other’s abilities and so on. If couple adjusts with the bitter reality that money is not easy to earn so they should spend wisely and save-and-invest more, then this creates a beautiful harmony in their life. The key thing again goes back to trust in one’s self and each other.

Situation 4: FIDELITY
This itself is a clear example of trust. If one partner is not sexually satisfied due to any xyz reason, then putting enough trust in other half can make all the difference. Say one person starts making a complaint about the other regarding in-bed performance. Then if the partner who is being accused responds positively (instead of thinking negatively) to the spouse’s requirements and starts giving more time to each other and makes substantial effort to improve the in-bed performance then spouse does not have to go anywhere else for satisfaction.

If your trust level is maintained on daily basis on all the fronts viz., emotional, mental, physical and spiritual then you have entered the life which could bring you peace of mind, satisfaction and inner-strength.

and yes, TRUST has to earned not taken for granted. Each day we earn trust of each through behavior, our hidden thoughts which partner cannot read and open thoughts which our partner can read, or daily efforts towards each other which show the partner that we love them. My thought is if you have to say the other person “I Love You” every time, then you are not in love. If you can prove to other person that you love them through daily actions (no matter how small) and behavior then you don’t have to say I love you, your partner just knows it

Take care and god bless ya!

It would have been amazing day if the life has been so rewarding with each passing day we feel more confident, better, loved and at peace with ourselves. It would truly be a Blessing. As I go deep and try to figure out the stuff life has made up of, constantly I find it more of a relationship between me and myself than between me and surroundings. I am the one who acts, feels, takes decision and do actions. Now, if I am the one who is doing it all then what’s the difference between me and myself. Are they same? Are they just perceptions of mind or is there something more to it? The question which questions my basic assumption of Who Am I? Let me fix this assumption first. “Me” is made of my thoughts, my actions, my decisions, my knowledge. Okay, I can go on and on, however this explanation seems to be sufficient to get the idea across. And, who is “Myself”? How do I create distinction between my thoughts, my actions, my decisions and my knowledge. There is a wonderful creation inside our own heads which allows us to distinguish between all of the above. It is called self-awareness. As soon as I am aware of something inside my head, I can distinguish difference between my various thoughts, my actions and decisions. Now, if I forget the difference between my thoughts and my actions and become so absorbed in my actions, my whole awareness shifts towards completing the action. When I complete that action, I feel peaceful and relaxed. Now, when I go back to other stuff running in my head again, I am shifting my awareness to something else and so my awareness shifts and it will help me to complete that action. This action could be differentiation between thoughts and action, an action itself or knowing more about the world I live in or my work. Finally, it boils down to my self-awareness which creates the whole world for me. Self-awareness makes the world meaningful for me. If I see some roadblock in my work or my personal life and not able to solve it at a given time, I just direct my self-awareness towards some other thought or simply positive thought to act better in a given situation. Again, the new question arises, who is the one directing self-awareness towards the right or wrong areas. We have another term for it – “Consciousness”. Being conscious about my self-awareness makes me direct it. But, what the heck is Consciousness? Not so easily describable. Consciousness is a total sum of complex operations of mind which is continuously monitoring what we are doing and based on the existing or evolving decision structure guiding us towards what we should do. I sometimes live in this mode only. It is called auto-pilot mode where my cognitive decision structure decides what should I do. Sometimes, it helps and sometimes it doesn’t. But, what is again making me aware that consciousness exists. The answer is again same – “Self-awareness”. This self-awareness seems to be the the constant factor in my existence. It creates distinction between Myself and Me. It makes me aware of the consciousness. Self-awareness is the substance which can be as fluid as water when it is moving in between thoughts, as shrewd as famous baniyas of India when it is doing financial planning and as observant as scientist when meditating. Self-awareness can exist on its own. Just for a moment I close my eyes and try to feel my self-awareness. Give me two minutes break here. ……… Okay, I am back. Those two minutes extended to more than 15 minutes. It is quite common whenever I try to give time to myself, I often forget the time constraints. Alright, I dived deep into myself to discover self-awareness in my every element of thought, my actions, decisions, beliefs, my love, my hate. I did find the element of self-awareness in each one of them. As I enter into each one of them they start to exist and enter into my consciousness. When I leave one them and enter into another thought or action, they cease to exist or continue to exist remotely depending on my level of attention towards them. This process goes on endlessly until I find I am into it and I was in this process for just two minutes and it is already 15 minutes. I open my eyes, come out of it. However, my mind is still there and after that I don’t feel like writing anymore and go to sleep. Now, it is after 24 hours later, I am finding myself doing the same sh*t again, completing the undone work. Today is a new day so thoughts are different. However, I would observe them, my thinking and how it is changing under changed circumstances. At least, from the last night’s discussion I have figured out one thing, which is the existence of self-awareness in each and every component of my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs and my decisions. The moment I become aware of awareness of thought or action, I become consciousness and my brain starts reacting to it and feelings start to develop in my heart. Now, this is important that I should know myself and the first step towards that is self-awareness. Next, is development of consciousness towards the object of self-awareness. One more thing is the acknowledgment, I have more than one thought in mind and frequently I need to switch between various thoughts and decide quickly which one is more important and which thought would require how much of analysis. Then once I am done with one thought I move to other thought quickly and the same sequence goes on and on until I finish my day’s work and go to sleep. Next morning same sequence starts. Then in a glimpse I think, who am I? and based on my thought structure I come back to my question again and similar answer. I am separate from myself, my mind, my thoughts. Me and myself again. However, today I dig little deeper into myself and figured out the superficiality of such concepts such as me, mind, thoughts, heart are separate. They all exist because of self-awareness. And what makes self-awareness exist is awareness itself. Some people call it self. It is like this, self-awareness originates from awareness, travels into thoughts, actions, decisions, beliefs. Makes them exist and finally comes back to awareness to make it as it was before. This process keeps on happening without any of my awareness. Again, I have used “my”. If I start counting the number of times I have used “I” or “me” or “my” in this whole monologue then it would be a surprising very high number. And at the end of it, “I” does not exist anymore. It is all awareness. My job as a self or I is to make it easier to make the self-awareness flow back to the source so that it gets rejuvenated and then I can forget myself. However, it is not easy. I have a job, family, life’s own set of tensions and joys and leaving those just to become more peaceful is not an option. I have to face whatever comes my way and I choose to exist rather than perish in name of self-awareness. At the best, what I do is to start giving myself some time on a regular basis to return to the source where I can peacefully forget myself and become one with the source of “Awareness”. It would lead to resolving priorities between various thoughts peacefully and harmoniously so that I can always come back to source without conflicts. Now, I have started to understand the importance of peace and harmony. There are just so many things inside us and outside us that without peace and harmony everything will perish away. Harmony is such an important characteristic to gives rise to the another characteristic called peace. However, going for the harmony is not easy. It requires thorough understanding of the situation, taking best decision during that situation, ability to switch back and forth between various thoughts and deep connection with yourself. Peace comes from allowing yourself to forget “I” and going back to source of self-awareness. This is what everything about me is all about. No, this is all about nothingness. Neither Me, Nor anyone, Just nothing is left.

How do I decide if I am doing the right thing?

By what standard do you personally make moral decisions? For example, many people adhere to a particular religion and use it as their moral compass. Others simply do what feels right at the moment.

According to me the right thing is:

- Which is right by moral/ethical standards.
- Which is benefit for me and others as well. I would think in order of priority of being beneficial to me first then others except in the family relationships or someone I love or care for.
- Which is based on truth (core facts) regardless of circumstances.

How do I trust anyone?

What do you believe about people? Are the generally good or generally bad?Do you consider yourself trustworthy? Why or why not? What do you believe is the risk if you trust others? What is the risk if you chose not to trust others?

What do you believe about people? Are the generally good or generally bad?
- I believe that people are generally good. But, I think this needs to change because generally people will think for their benefit, just like me. Sometime, they stoop down to any level to make the things agreeable to them.

Do you consider yourself trustworthy? Why or why not?
- I do consider myself trustworthy because I can keep confidential things to myself only. I do not ditch others. I do the things allocated to me in a proper manner. I know and understand my responsibilities (personal and professional). However, there have been times but less than 1% when I was not trustworthy and suffered the consequences for the same. Now, after understanding the reasons behind that behavior, I am correcting myself in order to remain trustworthy at all times. I know it is difficult but if you choose to do something then it should be 100%. This is what I believe in. Period.

What do you believe is the risk if you trust others? What is the risk if you chose not to trust others?
- If I trust others completely then there are greater chances of me being manipulated by them as this has happened in the past. If I do not trust others then I have to sacrifice my good behavior with them because then i will start asking too many questions and I will end up in managing too much. I think I scared of managing too much but I if I trust others then I can let go various checks and make managing others easier. However, this is not the best way always. May be, I need better answers.

How do I predict human behavior?

Why do you want to predict human behavior? What is the outcome you are looking for? Can you predict your own behavior? What would change in your life if you could predict the behavior of those around you?

Why do you want to predict human behavior? What is the outcome you are looking for?
- I want to predict human behavior so that I can avoid being cheated or manipulated. Some humans are so funny that if there is greater self-benefit then they would go to any level to manipulate other person in order to make that happen. I don’t know know why I attract these kind of beings and end up in being manipulated and loosing just too much time, finances and energy on them.

Can you predict your own behavior?
- It is difficult to say that I can predict my behavior 100%. I might predict 75-80% of my behavior and trying to predict lot more. Since, my actions are the result of my impulses, my thoughts and ultimately my ability to control all of them (comfortably or uncomfortably). Because, I cannot control everything about myself, so I cannot predict 100%. However, I have very clear value based decision making structure which allows to take right/tough/intelligent decisions. Therefore, even if I go wrong, I can correct myself. I understand it might be late sometimes. Now, I understand that I need to take the predictability score to 90-95% because that will give me greater control over my own life
and will make me more successful.

What would change in your life if you could predict the behavior of those around you?
- I would see myself as successful in relationships (specially intimate ones) if I can predict human behavior successfully. Definitely, I would clearly know how much I have to give to the particular relationship and when to retract (if necessary) and when to go ahead. I would make my life and those of others (dealing with me) more comfortable and predictable.