It would have been amazing day if the life has been so rewarding with each passing day we feel more confident, better, loved and at peace with ourselves. It would truly be a Blessing. As I go deep and try to figure out the stuff life has made up of, constantly I find it more of a relationship between me and myself than between me and surroundings. I am the one who acts, feels, takes decision and do actions. Now, if I am the one who is doing it all then what’s the difference between me and myself. Are they same? Are they just perceptions of mind or is there something more to it? The question which questions my basic assumption of Who Am I? Let me fix this assumption first. “Me” is made of my thoughts, my actions, my decisions, my knowledge. Okay, I can go on and on, however this explanation seems to be sufficient to get the idea across. And, who is “Myself”? How do I create distinction between my thoughts, my actions, my decisions and my knowledge. There is a wonderful creation inside our own heads which allows us to distinguish between all of the above. It is called self-awareness. As soon as I am aware of something inside my head, I can distinguish difference between my various thoughts, my actions and decisions. Now, if I forget the difference between my thoughts and my actions and become so absorbed in my actions, my whole awareness shifts towards completing the action. When I complete that action, I feel peaceful and relaxed. Now, when I go back to other stuff running in my head again, I am shifting my awareness to something else and so my awareness shifts and it will help me to complete that action. This action could be differentiation between thoughts and action, an action itself or knowing more about the world I live in or my work. Finally, it boils down to my self-awareness which creates the whole world for me. Self-awareness makes the world meaningful for me. If I see some roadblock in my work or my personal life and not able to solve it at a given time, I just direct my self-awareness towards some other thought or simply positive thought to act better in a given situation. Again, the new question arises, who is the one directing self-awareness towards the right or wrong areas. We have another term for it – “Consciousness”. Being conscious about my self-awareness makes me direct it. But, what the heck is Consciousness? Not so easily describable. Consciousness is a total sum of complex operations of mind which is continuously monitoring what we are doing and based on the existing or evolving decision structure guiding us towards what we should do. I sometimes live in this mode only. It is called auto-pilot mode where my cognitive decision structure decides what should I do. Sometimes, it helps and sometimes it doesn’t. But, what is again making me aware that consciousness exists. The answer is again same – “Self-awareness”. This self-awareness seems to be the the constant factor in my existence. It creates distinction between Myself and Me. It makes me aware of the consciousness. Self-awareness is the substance which can be as fluid as water when it is moving in between thoughts, as shrewd as famous baniyas of India when it is doing financial planning and as observant as scientist when meditating. Self-awareness can exist on its own. Just for a moment I close my eyes and try to feel my self-awareness. Give me two minutes break here. ……… Okay, I am back. Those two minutes extended to more than 15 minutes. It is quite common whenever I try to give time to myself, I often forget the time constraints. Alright, I dived deep into myself to discover self-awareness in my every element of thought, my actions, decisions, beliefs, my love, my hate. I did find the element of self-awareness in each one of them. As I enter into each one of them they start to exist and enter into my consciousness. When I leave one them and enter into another thought or action, they cease to exist or continue to exist remotely depending on my level of attention towards them. This process goes on endlessly until I find I am into it and I was in this process for just two minutes and it is already 15 minutes. I open my eyes, come out of it. However, my mind is still there and after that I don’t feel like writing anymore and go to sleep. Now, it is after 24 hours later, I am finding myself doing the same sh*t again, completing the undone work. Today is a new day so thoughts are different. However, I would observe them, my thinking and how it is changing under changed circumstances. At least, from the last night’s discussion I have figured out one thing, which is the existence of self-awareness in each and every component of my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs and my decisions. The moment I become aware of awareness of thought or action, I become consciousness and my brain starts reacting to it and feelings start to develop in my heart. Now, this is important that I should know myself and the first step towards that is self-awareness. Next, is development of consciousness towards the object of self-awareness. One more thing is the acknowledgment, I have more than one thought in mind and frequently I need to switch between various thoughts and decide quickly which one is more important and which thought would require how much of analysis. Then once I am done with one thought I move to other thought quickly and the same sequence goes on and on until I finish my day’s work and go to sleep. Next morning same sequence starts. Then in a glimpse I think, who am I? and based on my thought structure I come back to my question again and similar answer. I am separate from myself, my mind, my thoughts. Me and myself again. However, today I dig little deeper into myself and figured out the superficiality of such concepts such as me, mind, thoughts, heart are separate. They all exist because of self-awareness. And what makes self-awareness exist is awareness itself. Some people call it self. It is like this, self-awareness originates from awareness, travels into thoughts, actions, decisions, beliefs. Makes them exist and finally comes back to awareness to make it as it was before. This process keeps on happening without any of my awareness. Again, I have used “my”. If I start counting the number of times I have used “I” or “me” or “my” in this whole monologue then it would be a surprising very high number. And at the end of it, “I” does not exist anymore. It is all awareness. My job as a self or I is to make it easier to make the self-awareness flow back to the source so that it gets rejuvenated and then I can forget myself. However, it is not easy. I have a job, family, life’s own set of tensions and joys and leaving those just to become more peaceful is not an option. I have to face whatever comes my way and I choose to exist rather than perish in name of self-awareness. At the best, what I do is to start giving myself some time on a regular basis to return to the source where I can peacefully forget myself and become one with the source of “Awareness”. It would lead to resolving priorities between various thoughts peacefully and harmoniously so that I can always come back to source without conflicts. Now, I have started to understand the importance of peace and harmony. There are just so many things inside us and outside us that without peace and harmony everything will perish away. Harmony is such an important characteristic to gives rise to the another characteristic called peace. However, going for the harmony is not easy. It requires thorough understanding of the situation, taking best decision during that situation, ability to switch back and forth between various thoughts and deep connection with yourself. Peace comes from allowing yourself to forget “I” and going back to source of self-awareness. This is what everything about me is all about. No, this is all about nothingness. Neither Me, Nor anyone, Just nothing is left.