Trust in a Marriage

If I have to give only one point that makes or break the marriage; It is TRUST.
All of other points converge into it. Let me explain this.

Situation 1: Disclosure of PAST
It’s better to disclose every bit about you from your past
so that if something from the past comes up tomorrow in your relationship then both of you should be aware of that. What’s the use of hiding something? If your only fear is, what if your partner leaves you after knowing about your past. Well, if this much is the insecurity in your mind then how about this thought; your partner will still leave you if tomorrow he/she comes to know about it. Let’s say your partner comes to know about certain things about you after marriage which you were hiding from him/her before marriage, then do you think that your partner will forgive you? Your partner will doubly punish for not disclosing the critical facts about you. The results could vary from temporary negativity in a relationship to a permanent strain in relationship. Now, what if your partner finds something from the past which creates a BIG problem in your present, then things may end up on a bitter divorce. The key here is being truthful with each other, which in turn creates more trust.

Situation 2: Everyday CHAOS
Every relationship goes through ups and downs and people dynamically adjust with each other depending on the compatibility of their personalities. If you truthfully acknowledge the similarities and differences in your opinions and create a code of behavior or method for handling daily arguments, then you could create a feeling of mutual understanding between you and your spouse. The key thing here is to be vulnerable
enough in front of each other. It takes lot of courage to accept your weaknesses and becoming vulnerable. And, when you think about being vulnerable then you could think about having enough TRUST in each other’s intentions that no matter what you say/do in front of each other your partner would understand you. Even you should have enough trust in your partner to have disagreement about something but still remain stable and rational with each other.

Situation 3: Achieving BIG THINGS together
Building a home, raising kids, buying a car are some of the big things which couple expect to achieve over their lifetime. Here the trust is required terms of realistic planning, financial planning, being confident about each other’s abilities and so on.
If couple adjusts with the bitter reality that money is not easy to earn so they should spend wisely and save-and-invest more, then this creates a beautiful harmony in their life. The key thing again goes back to trust in one’s self and each other.

Situation 4: FIDELITY
This itself is a clear example of trust. If one partner is not sexually satisfied due to any xyz reason, then putting enough trust in other half can make all the difference. Say one person starts making a complaint about the other regarding in-bed performance. Then if the partner who is being accused responds positively (instead of thinking negatively) to the spouse’s requirements and starts giving more time to each other and makes substantial effort to improve the in-bed performance then spouse does not have to go anywhere else for satisfaction.

If your trust level is maintained on daily basis on all the fronts viz., emotional, mental, physical and spiritual then you have entered the life which could bring you peace of mind, satisfaction and inner-strength.

and yes, TRUST has to earned not taken for granted. Each day we earn trust of each through behavior, our hidden thoughts which partner cannot read and open thoughts which our partner can read, or daily efforts towards each other which show the partner that we love them. My thought is if you have to say the other person “I Love You” every time, then you are not in love. If you can prove to other person that you love them through daily actions (no matter how small) and behavior then you don’t have to say I love you, your partner just knows it :)

Take care and god bless ya!

5 thoughts on “Trust in a Marriage”

  1. Hi Bro,

    You have raised yet another marvelous topic and it’s beautifully expressed, I see married life as Game of Gambling, you never know you’ll won or you’ll loose the game [:)]. I have not been in married life but can understand the “Trust Factor” very well.

    I hope you remember we talked regarding this earlier also, when we were in Delhi I use to say “Everything is good for me but I hurt and I hate when I see someone has broken my trust and its get difficult for me to trust on any other person if I have been screwed up on this” and today also its same.

    But now I understand I cannot control others, because I am in search for a good trust worthy GF since 9th standard, believe me [:)] there is lack of trust worthy people, seriously I would say there are no more people left in this world who are righteous and trust worthy.

    And when I am seeing this from so many years and after been suffered too and still those relations do not exist any where now, will I be able to trust on anyone else? Now as you says learn from experiences, My experience teaches me “Now!! Do not trust”. keeping this in mind and in fact your thoughts also trust in important in married life, I have one thought in my mind regarding my marriage, if I can’t relay 100% on her (so called wife thing), love will not be there, if love is not there, no good relation will be there, if no good relation will there, in the end we both start hating each other, if we’ll hate each other both of our family get disturb, and if they get disturb then both of us also get disturbed :) so I think its better to disturb myself rather then disturbing her, my family & her family. I don’t want marriage as formal life or only a physical relation.

    We can improve in bed, we can spend a lot, we can discuss, but if joy and passion is not present in relation the life can not be good and it comes only if we have faith and understanding on each other.

    I never look for any formal relation with my dear one(s) I like/love openly and stay very casually with them whatever is in my heart, I speak up frankly. Yes I agree this can be done only if we have trust on our relations.

    Additionally, I just want to add one more point in your converge trust; i.e. “Commitment” a very major player, it not even plays important role in building trust in married relations but in any relation. You have friends, formal, casual relations or any kind of relations even understanding between you and your other one. It’s only your words & commitments which help them to have faith and trust on you. Isn’t it?

    Happy posting!! frog one was ultimate..

  2. Hello webmasterEvery other blog I have read about Save Marriage, has been lacking in information. Your insight into Save Marriage is sooooo much better than anything else I have read. Thanks Chris.

  3. I agree with the commitment part completely. I am going to deal in a greater depth soon and will converge it into trust (self and mutual). It will be out soon :)

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