Had Life Been So Easy!
It would have been amazing day if the life has been so rewarding with each passing day we feel more confident, better, loved and at peace with ourselves. It would truly be a Blessing. As I go deep and try to figure out the stuff life has made up of, constantly I find it more of a relationship between me and myself than between me and surroundings. I am the one who acts, feels, takes decision and do actions. Now, if I am the one who is doing it all then what’s the difference between me and myself. Are they same? Are they just perceptions of mind or is there something more to it? The question which questions my basic assumption of Who Am I? Let me fix this assumption first. “Me” is made of my thoughts, my actions, my decisions, my knowledge. Okay, I can go on and on, however this explanation seems to be sufficient to get the idea across. And, who is “Myself”? How do I create distinction between my thoughts, my actions, my decisions and my knowledge. There is a wonderful creation inside our own heads which allows us to distinguish between all of the above. It is called self-awareness. As soon as I am aware of something inside my head, I can distinguish difference between my various thoughts, my actions and decisions. Now, if I forget the difference between my thoughts and my actions and become so absorbed in my actions, my whole awareness shifts towards completing the action. When I complete that action, I feel peaceful and relaxed. Now, when I go back to other stuff running in my head again, I am shifting my awareness to something else and so my awareness shifts and it will help me to complete that action. This action could be differentiation between thoughts and action, an action itself or knowing more about the world I live in or my work. Finally, it boils down to my self-awareness which creates the whole world for me. Self-awareness makes the world meaningful for me. If I see some roadblock in my work or my personal life and not able to solve it at a given time, I just direct my self-awareness towards some other thought or simply positive thought to act better in a given situation. Again, the new question arises, who is the one directing self-awareness towards the right or wrong areas. We have another term for it – “Consciousness”. Being conscious about my self-awareness makes me direct it. But, what the heck is Consciousness? Not so easily describable. Consciousness is a total sum of complex operations of mind which is continuously monitoring what we are doing and based on the existing or evolving decision structure guiding us towards what we should do. I sometimes live in this mode only. It is called auto-pilot mode where my cognitive decision structure decides what should I do. Sometimes, it helps and sometimes it doesn’t. But, what is again making me aware that consciousness exists. The answer is again same – “Self-awareness”. This self-awareness seems to be the the constant factor in my existence. It creates distinction between Myself and Me. It makes me aware of the consciousness. Self-awareness is the substance which can be as fluid as water when it is moving in between thoughts, as shrewd as famous baniyas of India when it is doing financial planning and as observant as scientist when meditating. Self-awareness can exist on its own. Just for a moment I close my eyes and try to feel my self-awareness. Give me two minutes break here. ……… Okay, I am back. Those two minutes extended to more than 15 minutes. It is quite common whenever I try to give time to myself, I often forget the time constraints. Alright, I dived deep into myself to discover self-awareness in my every element of thought, my actions, decisions, beliefs, my love, my hate. I did find the element of self-awareness in each one of them. As I enter into each one of them they start to exist and enter into my consciousness. When I leave one them and enter into another thought or action, they cease to exist or continue to exist remotely depending on my level of attention towards them. This process goes on endlessly until I find I am into it and I was in this process for just two minutes and it is already 15 minutes. I open my eyes, come out of it. However, my mind is still there and after that I don’t feel like writing anymore and go to sleep. Now, it is after 24 hours later, I am finding myself doing the same sh*t again, completing the undone work. Today is a new day so thoughts are different. However, I would observe them, my thinking and how it is changing under changed circumstances. At least, from the last night’s discussion I have figured out one thing, which is the existence of self-awareness in each and every component of my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs and my decisions. The moment I become aware of awareness of thought or action, I become consciousness and my brain starts reacting to it and feelings start to develop in my heart. Now, this is important that I should know myself and the first step towards that is self-awareness. Next, is development of consciousness towards the object of self-awareness. One more thing is the acknowledgment, I have more than one thought in mind and frequently I need to switch between various thoughts and decide quickly which one is more important and which thought would require how much of analysis. Then once I am done with one thought I move to other thought quickly and the same sequence goes on and on until I finish my day’s work and go to sleep. Next morning same sequence starts. Then in a glimpse I think, who am I? and based on my thought structure I come back to my question again and similar answer. I am separate from myself, my mind, my thoughts. Me and myself again. However, today I dig little deeper into myself and figured out the superficiality of such concepts such as me, mind, thoughts, heart are separate. They all exist because of self-awareness. And what makes self-awareness exist is awareness itself. Some people call it self. It is like this, self-awareness originates from awareness, travels into thoughts, actions, decisions, beliefs. Makes them exist and finally comes back to awareness to make it as it was before. This process keeps on happening without any of my awareness. Again, I have used “my”. If I start counting the number of times I have used “I” or “me” or “my” in this whole monologue then it would be a surprising very high number. And at the end of it, “I” does not exist anymore. It is all awareness. My job as a self or I is to make it easier to make the self-awareness flow back to the source so that it gets rejuvenated and then I can forget myself. However, it is not easy. I have a job, family, life’s own set of tensions and joys and leaving those just to become more peaceful is not an option. I have to face whatever comes my way and I choose to exist rather than perish in name of self-awareness. At the best, what I do is to start giving myself some time on a regular basis to return to the source where I can peacefully forget myself and become one with the source of “Awareness”. It would lead to resolving priorities between various thoughts peacefully and harmoniously so that I can always come back to source without conflicts. Now, I have started to understand the importance of peace and harmony. There are just so many things inside us and outside us that without peace and harmony everything will perish away. Harmony is such an important characteristic to gives rise to the another characteristic called peace. However, going for the harmony is not easy. It requires thorough understanding of the situation, taking best decision during that situation, ability to switch back and forth between various thoughts and deep connection with yourself. Peace comes from allowing yourself to forget “I” and going back to source of self-awareness. This is what everything about me is all about. No, this is all about nothingness. Neither Me, Nor anyone, Just nothing is left.
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Yo Bro
nice to hear from you and what are you doing these days.My phone number is 098713****…ring me and please give me your number its been ages i had a word with you your old phone number does not work..
take care n god bless
Harnoor Dandona
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Wow nice thoughts bro, you changed a lot, I don’t know about earlier but I have seen you as person dedicated towards work and in search of something new ways to breaking search engine but your thoughts are changed well and its happened with me too
Well from last few months I was finding the answer to questions Who am I?, why I am doing this? Why Me? This has not taken 15 seconds or minutes still the search is on, somehow I am close to the answer, I just want to share with you.
I don’t know I found it or not but I got the way to know the answer I collected my entire thoughts positive, negative to me and for me and seriously it was not a 1 minute game. Why? You have its answer “Today is a new day so thoughts are different” Yes! I started thinking over and over again, what exactly is running in my head and what my heart want.
I asked many people who are close and not close to me, no matter how many people told me how nice and bad I am, pat my back or made me feel low, their answers never ever satisfied me because people can turn on you fast and hate you just as much as they say they love/like/need you.
I realized I am different not for one, but for everyone, why I am like this? Yes not a big question! But apply the theory “think deeply” over again? I know you already have an answer but not everybody have the answer. Usually people give me the answer of this question that it’s a human nature, human has an individual personality, is it really a fact?
No I do not agree with the thoughts, when a child takes birth he and his parents don’t know each other, by just caring and loving both of them starts thinking that this is my dear one. Why this happens with every child if the personality and nature is different of every person? What about pets? People love their pets so much they treat them like a child why? They are not even humans. What if a child has taken birth and is mentally retarded, Do we advice his parents do not take care of him or just leave him? No we’ll never think about this, because there is something in our soul which has not been taught to any one, in any school, in any way. I guess a word Love may be better word to define. But I think this word love is being vanished from this world, every one is thinking like a professional, so passing 100 years (As the power of thinking is daily getting stick to professional behavior) do we have only a professional relations with our own family?
Well I’ll not live for this long period and I wish I don’t want to see this happening in a real world. Its funny and yes people give the answer very casually say that its just because of materialistic world, you’ll find more and more reasons but “think deeply” these answers will not satisfy, we need materials its necessity of our life without it we cannot move, but maintaining our mental level high is also a necessity for living
From few months I see other people how great they are, what so special and what made them like this? And when I look at me I see nothing I keep on digging, digging and digging deep inside me, everyday I did this and I just founded useless thoughts, useless things moving around, useless scratches, untreated wounds. I got tired of this, I become motionless and helpless every day, when I see the wounds and scratches they made my tears to fall… I was not having power even to touch them cause it gives more pain, I started hating myself I have stopped finding the solutions for the problems, after days passed on I realized I am becoming a hollow men and I made a big mistake (hmm…real big) which still hurts me as well as my good people and I started finding why I have done this, as usual no satisfied answer was there I was more tired as I felt before, powerless, but this time I haven’t stopped my search cause its was something I have never expected from myself my mind, heart, body mouth was scolding me and my thoughts were countering of them and here I found the culprits in me!! MY THOUGHTS I realized and cleared my bad thoughts I made a box I started cleaning my mind, heart & soul the box is still lying in the deep dark I cannot able to see there anything instead of that box and most of the nights when I close my eyes I found that box is trying to whispers with me I listen deeply it annoy me I get afraid of the echo.
Today is a brand new things happening around me which makes me happy and sad but I am not strong enough not to grab the wrong things, thoughts, relations I started running far but one day I’ll stand in front of them and blow them off.
I tried every thing to relax my mind it was useless till the time I haven’t clear my thoughts, I heal my scratches and wounds I feel good don’t know why.
And now I am in search of why me?
people around me can see a dynamic change in my thoughts and personality, but fact is i am passing on few situations because I don’t want to live for granted (Usually people live), if something unconditionally happens people usually say and blame it on their fait
I am not God, and now do not believe in God but yes by knowing myself and by clearing my thoughts I feel like a God
I have been having still feelings of emptiness I feel like this that there is something in me or in me that wants to come out something big…
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Nice to hear from you after a long time. No wonder, you are still passing through the same struggle. You know had life been so easy we all could have been living happily forever. The life has its own twist and turns teaching us new ways of life. Some call it a reality and some call it truth. This learning keeps on happening on various levels and at various times. Sometimes, learning work is painful when we have to work hard day and night to learn the new skills. Most of us never complain about the same. None of us will ever think twice about putting 16 hours a day at work if we are given a deadline. On the contrast, when things come to our relationships, we just want to be happy and satisfied. Just a little tension creates so much of a emotional scuffle to make us struggle about what will happen next? Our relationships are just a part of life. Just as we do work to make out talents utilized and earn enough to make our both ends meet. Similarly, we need relationships to be happy and feel satisfied. Good relationships give us inner strength and bad relationships just take it away. Coming to the matter of heart, it is our myopic thinking that to LOVE someone we need only to be good at heart and expect that everything else will turn out to be nice. Now, at this particular moment we are creating an expectation out of relationship that if everything is good today, it will be good forever. Just like business we cannot predict how the market is going to react after few years. It is possible that a booming business of today may become irrelevant and no longer exists after couple of years. Does it mean that businessman was wrong or did he chose the wrong business to be in? What would you think here. Again, most of us would say, “this happens”! If you look inside and see it in a similar way with your relationships, you cannot predict 100% about the behavior of other person. You just can’t say that this person will be equally loving or caring after couple of years down the line. In some relationships we fail because other person is wrong and fails us… means doesn’t live up to the expectations we have from other person. In other case, we don’t live up to other persons expectations and it is we who fail the relationship. Sometimes, it also happens that someone close to us instigates us against other person and we start doing negative things in our relationship ultimately leading to a failure of relationship. No matter what the cause is, a failed relationship is always a learning experience. Likewise, we fail in business, start it again. and in relationship if we fail again, we start again. Because we are not living for anyone. We need a solid relationship in our lives to stay happy and satisfied. Once our basic fundamentals about life are clear we can go ahead and start a new relationship with someone whom we think has a potential to be loved and love us in return. Suffering is not always about god, it is about nature’s way of teaching us about life. Man! this is called EXPERIENCE. Isn’t it!
Wish you find your answers soon. God bless ya
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Hi Bro.
Thanks for your message.
I agree with you, we cannot predict 100% about anyone, but we humans rely on the words spoken to us by the persons who are really close to us.
For my answer, why me?, I assume its not possible to solve unless I meat again with people whom I think was wrong for them or they were wrong at that time, or mabee there might be certain mine major reasons or mabee they were facing some sort of problem. In the end who cares… I have enough power to take blames because I remember someone told me very earlier that I am brave and honest boy
Well i am Zilch…, neutral and passing from zero emotions regarding my relation, I am not there now, I learned enjoying the burns
however, my sweet, sour memories will remain forever as I told you, I can do anything but cannot forget, it’s not about particular relation, I remember everything.Everything I write in here is in general terms and from my past experiences, as you are sharing.
Also I just want to thank you for hearing my stupid thoughts
but you’ll be always appreciated for listening me.
Bbye… take care. See yaaa
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